Jillian Michaels lernt auf die harte Tour: Beschweren Sie sich nicht darüber, mü

I remember being tired before I had kids. Es war scheiße. I was so tired!

Then I had a baby, and I got even more tired. I mean, I don’t know how much more tired I was with a kid than I used to be, or if I was more tired than my childfree friends have ever or will ever be, but I definitely felt more tired most days than I remember feeling back then. To make matters worse, I had to keep my kid alive while being this insane new level of tired.

The tiredness just kept growing, exponentially. Ich habe gerade mein zweites Baby bekommen. Die Müdigkeit hat nicht aufgehört. It never will.

But I shouldn’t say that out loud. Und ich sollte es auf keinen Fall online sagen. Fitness guru and mom Jillian Michaels found that out the hard way when she posted what she probably thought was a harmless parenting meme about being exhausted. Unfortunately, in today’s landscape of instant outrage, nothing is harmless anymore.

It doesn’t matter that she’s right (COME AT ME!) All that matters is that the childfree somehow felt victimized by the meme, because if there’s anything worth getting upset about, it’s Facebook memes.

Some well-balanced people feel differently, leaving comments on the post like, “That’s YOUR story, but then you obviously nicht unter Langzeitkrankheiten leiden, sich um kranke Verwandte kümmern, 80 Stunden pro Woche arbeiten, 24-Stunden-Schichten arbeiten, sich um kranke Tiere kümmern, drei Jobs haben, um über die Runden zu kommen … oder irgendeinen der anderen Unmengen von Gründen, die es gibt, müde zu sein!!!!“

Nein. Just one reason to be tired, as the meme CLEARLY states.

Jillian is a new parent and a famous fitness guru, so she knows from exertion, but she is not a scientist, so she should just shut it, according to this kind soul: “Hey, genius. It’s called being human. Everyone gets tired, whether they have kids or not. That’s what the human body does. Try studying science harder next time.”

No one said anything about childfree people not being tired. Wieder war ich kinderlos. Ich war ziemlich müde. Ich bin mir sicher, dass es Rettungssanitäter und Medizinstudenten und Menschen mit Schlaflosigkeit und Menschen ohne Augenlider gibt, die genauso müde sind wie ihre Eltern, und herzlichen Glückwunsch, wir haben alle beim Müde-Wettbewerb gleichauf gelegen.

Außer Kurznachricht: Es gibt keinen Müde-Wettbewerb! I was pulling your leg!

Tiredness is not something that can be measured, and neither Michaels nor I nor those kids staying awake for days on end just to avoid Freddy Kruger can prove they’re more tired than anyone else, but honestly? Wen interessiert das scheißegal. We’re all tired.

But those of us with more responsibility are probably – maybe? – a little more tired than those without much? I don’t know how much responsibility you have, and neither does Jillian Michaels, unless she has a personal relationship with all 3,035,511 people who like her Facebook page, (If she does, she definitely wins the Tired Contest!), but I know that kids are a lot of responsibility.

You can’t sleep through your kids. Once you have a baby, your sleep starts suffering, and you never get it back, at least not until they’re teenagers. And so parents have very limited opportunities to catch up on sleep they’ve missed. Maybe you’re childfree and you can’t catch up on sleep either I don’t know your life but if so FUCK YOU FOR OFFENDING ME except not really because getting upset about a humorous (YMMV) meme meant to appeal to other parents is a tremendous waste of time and energy.

In fact, if you’re one of the people who went online to scream about this, like this guy?

“You may have been cute back then, but you grew up to be a c***. Why aren’t people allowed to be tired if they don’t have sprogs? You chose to have the little c*** goblins, yet all parents seem to do is complain about everything, and try to bring everyone down to their misery. We get it you’re tired. Know who else has a better reason for being tired? People who work 40+ hours a week. They aren’t allowed to be tired? When did moms become so selfish and entitled? You’re making yourselves look like Schlampen.“

Wow. If you’re leaving a psychotic rant like that on a celebrity’s harmless Facebook post, you clearly have a lot more energy than me.

BOOM! I win.

This article was originally published on May 22, 2016