15 Gründe, warum manche Tage im Park scheiße sind

There are things that I love about going to the park. It’s free, the kids are simultaneously being exercised and entertained, and there is usually some place for me to sit and pretend like I’m not eating all the snacks. Sonnenschein, Zeit mit meinen Kindern verbringen, Lachen, Schmetterlinge … die Liste lässt sich endlos fortsetzen. Der Park kann großartig sein. Yay park.

But having spent so many hours of my life with my kids at parks all over this country, I have run into some ways that the park can royally suck.

The Anticipation

Do not ever tell a child they are going to the park until they are kicking it on the swing set, or you will regret the day you ever taught them to speak.

When That One Random Kid Takes Off His Schuhe

Und dann will jeder seine Schuhe ausziehen. If my kids take their shoes off, I start imagining razor blades and broken bottles and chewed gum, and then I’m helicopter parenting all over the place.

The Bathrooms

Again, the free park usually has very free, accessible bathrooms. Accessible to me, my children, and any transient or runner who may or may not violate that free bathroom in unspeakable ways.

The Teeter-Totter

This sucks especially when your kids are completely different sizes. I always get drawn into the teeter-totter madness and then all of a sudden I am accidentally launching one of my children into the stratosphere.

When I Forget I’m Not 12 Anymore

I need to have “Do not ever swing on the monkey bars!” tattooed on my blistered, torn palms.

The ‘Watch Me’ Game

Oh geez. I usually like watching all the new things my kids can do, but there comes a point when watching them do something like place a single brown leaf upon their head and laugh maniacally 500 times gets a bit old.

The Other Kids

My kids are great. Die Kinder anderer Leute sind kleine, weinerliche Fabriken. Ich weiß, dass es uns allen genauso geht.

Die Eltern der anderen Kinder

Normalerweise großartig. Occasionally life-sucking.

The Park Where You Can Never See Your Kid and Your Life Is a Constant Heart Attack

I have been to this place. I still have nightmares about this place.

When Your Little Kid Only Wants to Play on the Big Kid Structure

My littlest was never satisfied with the wimpy toddler structure. She wanted bigger, higher, faster while taking years off my life each time she leaned out of one of those gaping death holes.

When MY Kid Is the One Being the Asshole

The day occasionally comes when it’s too close to nap time or food time, and it’s your own little darling being the prick at the park. And I’m all about abandoning ship if one of my kids starts becoming a monster, which also guarantees a complete and utter meltdown in the parking lot.

The Ice Cream Man Intent on Ruining My Day

He’s driving by very slowly, and playing his annoying music, and marking the moment when all of my children’s hopes and dreams die because I forgot to bring cash.

The „Regeln“

Ich sehe dich an, tolle Foliendebatte. Lassen Sie Ihr Kind auf einer Rutsche in die falsche Richtung laufen? Für einige Leute scheint das eine große Rolle zu spielen. Ich hatte vorher nie groß darüber nachgedacht. Ich bin auf der Seite: Wenn in diesem Moment niemand die Rutsche herunterkommen möchte und Sie wirklich das dumme Ding hochlaufen wollen, dann machen Sie es. I know this is against many people’s idea of a civilized society.

The One Spinny Toy That Launches Everyone to the Moon

You know it. You’ve probably been on it. Ich weiß, dass ich es habe. My older child was once stuck on one for an unknown amount of time while I was trying to keep his sister alive on a rock wall. Ich glaube nicht, dass er danach tagelang nicht gerade gegangen ist.

Wenn es Zeit ist, den Park zu verlassen

Das geht einfach nie gut. Selbst wenn Sie schon so lange dort sind, dass eine der Parkbänke nach Ihnen benannt wurde, ist niemand bereit, dorthin zu gehen. “We are leaving now…without you… Here we go” sometimes works, but usually not without someone having a freak out.

The park is wonderful, and free, and a great way to spend time with your children while yelling all of your favorite things like, “Be careful! Don’t put that in your mouth! Gentle touches! GENTLE TOUCHES!” Und als Bonus ist es auch mit etwa einer Million verschiedener Keimstämme gefüllt, die Sie jetzt mit nach Hause nehmen können. Juhu Park.

Dieser Artikel wurde ursprünglich am 21. Mai 2016 veröffentlicht